Metafiction: The 'sincere' breakup letter

Dear Elizabeth

An old, rolled piece of paper leaning on the cup holder, moved back and forth as the car rattles. Elizabeth, in her late twenties, drove through the empty road surrounded by the fresh air of morning. She was on her way back to home after getting rid of some useless stuffs she have piled up in the attic. But she turned her path to the small town she spent her youth, because of that letter on the bottom of the pile, which brought some memories back. Buildings were lined up just like ten years ago. Her memories of teenage still breathed through the familiar restaurants and markets on the street; there Elizabeth could feel the warmth she couldn’t meet for last ten years.

“Things haven’t changed.”

She parked the car at the roadside to walk, in her hand holding the letter. Maybe she wanted to look back to one of the trivial heartbreaks she’s been through, which seemed like a collapse of her whole world once. Maybe she wanted to recall the ‘pain’ of her youth and see how it has gone away as time passed. Walking along the street, she began to read.

                  Hey, Elly. How's it going? Well, you see, I'm having a hard time, after that "incident". I hope you're not in much despair as I am, cuz' I feel like I'm living out the worst days of my life. I can see you wondering why I have sent you letter, since I had never gave you any letters before. But, I had to write my words in letter, because I won't be able to see you in the face when I'm saying it to you. Elly, despite all the time we have spent together and all the love we have given each other, I think...I think..we should breakup. I see no hope nor future in our relationship anymore. I know I still love you (although I don't know you have the same feeling), but I think the time has come to say good bye.

She imagined a teenage girl receiving a breakup letter, crying on her bed all day long; and she giggled. Every sentence reminded her of the shameful moments. Elly thought of the times when her love was so stupid, as an eighteen-year-old girl who knew nothing. Blushing totally by a single eye contact, pretending to be the sweetest couple in the universe… how stupid, how meaningless. Now she couldn’t even remember what ‘incident’ caused them to break up.

                  You know what? To be frank now breaking up with you, all the accouterments I bought you, the gems, food, restaurants, were actually fake. The event of our anniversary? It wasn't actually our event. The name just happened to be the same with us luckily. The time I told you that you look fabulous in front of the movie theater, I was actually talking to the Darth Vader statue.

The crappy part of this letter started here, she thought. His unserious jokes reminded her about the levity of their relationship. Keep walking down the street, she passed the humble theater where they used to watch movies together. Elizabeth could still remember several of them, especially the Star Wars they both loved so much. On the way out of theater, in excitement they talked about the amazing fight scenes in the movie. But now, who cares. She kept on reading.

                   One more thing, All the food I bought for you? I all purchased with coupons. Not one penny of my money was spent for you. If I didn't have any coupons, then I would not have bought anything.

“I know you were lying here.”

Elly and he liked to go to the pizza house in the downtown. Once, when they were having lunch there as usual, he suddenly stood up and rushed out of the door. After a few minutes he came back with a wallet in his hand, saying that he didn’t want her to pay all by herself because he forgot to bring his money. She had not eaten a piece before he came back, and they enjoyed the meal together. Elizabeth had no idea why she is remembering this so vividly, but she just did. Coupons were a joke. ‘Why did he lie?’ she thought. Did he simply want to end up the relationship as quickly as possible? Maybe, maybe not.

                  Everyday I told you "I love you". In the midst of the sentence, I would stop and wonder whether I was convincing myself. I love myself the most. But generally speaking, isn't this what all people think deep in their hearts? One cannot love another, if he does not love himself. I love myself sincerely. So, the fact that I was not sincere to you means that you were simply just not lovely enough for me to love you.

 This had led young Elizabeth to feel despair and resentment. However, weirdly, recalling that memories ten years later, what she could remember was not those dark moods, but rather happier times spent together. Just like the reverse from the movie Eternal Sunshine, painful things vanished and it let her old days turn beautiful. Or has the letter merely covered up their good memories, and time uncovered it so that she could finally see it? Maybe, maybe not.

Believe me, I tried. Really hard. YOU made it impossible. Have you ever tried to care about my interests? Do you know my favorite car is a green Tico?

“Wow, I really didn’t know that.” She laughed.

                  Am I hurting your feelings? If so, good cuz' you deserve to be hurt. You are such a selfish creature. I know every human has selfishness in themselves, but they at least try to pretend they care about other people. I love myself, but I tell you that I love you for the sake of it. You were selfish not just in your mind, but with your acts as well. You never show any effort to tell me you love me. Do you even love me? Well, I'm starting doubt it.

Ten years ago, the first feeling in her mind was anger. Later, cold indifference replaced it. And eventually, now, she could truly understand two mere kids back in that time: We were young, immature and stupid. We hurt each other as much as we liked each other. This first, and the last letter I received from you, is the evidence of our stupidity. But one thing I remember reading this, is that we shared some happy moments of our youth, and this nonsense breakup doesn’t mean that all of those memories now turned into a rubbish. At least, maybe…

“Maybe I loved you.”

But then again, your answer to this question is no longer important. You've lost your chance, and it's too late.

As soon as she read this sentence, she dropped the letter because of a sudden engine noise made by the car rushing beside her. Being a little frightened, she turned back and picked up the paper. She could recognize a green Tico slowing down, stopping on the roadside nearby. The door opened, and it was obvious that ten years were not enough to fade his face out from her mind.

“John.”

“Hi, Elly.”

                  Do you feel the pain? The stabbing at your heart? Yeah, I'm feeling it too, only hundred times worse. You should regret for not loving me as much you could've done. I don't think you can find a better person than me. You have my words. Then, get lost, my sweetest but most painful memory.

“So… how have you been?” said Elizabeth.

“Well…. I’ve been through a lot… ten years passed, you know.”

They walked together as they did ten years ago. Everything in the town was the same, but John and Elly became totally different people from the ones in the time time they were lost in love. They stopped by the park and sat on the bench next to the fountain. Waterdrops glittered in the noon sunlight.

“Do you remember how we used to hang around at this park, Elly?”

“Yes I do. That was an everyday routine for us.”

After a slight hesitation, John began to talk.

“I… I want to apologize you, Elly. For that crappy letter I sent you. It was so stupid… I am to blame. All I want is just to tell you sorry. When I realized that I was wrong, you already had left our town and it was too late. I know you’ll not like me anymore, but still, I thought I should tell this to you.”

Elizabeth tightly held the breakup letter in her hands. Then she crumpled it up, and threw it to the fountain behind. It fell down with the waterdrops and slowly sank down to the floor. Elizabeth gazed at the sky. Its clear blue washed out all the worries inside her.

“Wanna watch movie, John? New Star Wars series is on screen now.”

“...Oh, of course!” A little surprised, John answered.           

                                                                                                      

“……”

“...Elly, you look fabulous today.” said John.

Silence lasted long between them. Both were smiling like they used to.

“Really, I mean you.”

 

"Sincerely", Your Ex